In Loving You
by Nicolya’ Jones
As I lay here, holding you, running my fingers over your soft head, I find myself wondering if I really know what it takes to love you. Do I know you well enough to be able to say I truly love you? You’ve permeated my thoughts, invaded my senses & got my head spinning. You got me so high, I don’t want to come down. It’s no wonder I rush home. With a single glance, my heart skips a beat, my tongue slides from between my lips, & I think my panties react to the sound of your voice. You have this way of undressing me with your eyes & making me shake without touching me. I lay in awe of you sometimes how you command this body that I can’t seem to control sometimes. With a well placed kiss, a gentle touch of your hand & I forget that I’m supposed to be mad at you, that I had a hard day at work, & hell, sometimes my own name.
Laying here, I wonder, do I know what it takes to love you? Loving you is so much more than knowing your favorite position, when & if you need me to make love to you or straight sex you, & being readily available when you need me. Loving you is more than memorizing how you moan when I taste you, how you grab my arm when I do that tongue thing you like so much, or how you kiss me like I’m the finest wine you’ve ever tasted. Loving you is more that arching my back at the precise moment I know will bring you the most pleasure or squeezing you so tight inside of me that you bury your face in my neck to keep from finishing too fast. The look on your face is priceless to me.
And still, I know that there is more to loving you than being able to please you. We are so much more than that. Loving you is listening to you, not just hearing what you say. It’s processing that information & being able to bring it back later when you need it again because I know you forgot. It’s being your number one fan, even when it seems like everyone else has turned their back on you, & even more so when it feels like you have the world pushing you towards greatness. Loving you is fostering your dreams, even if I think they’re silly. God gave you those dreams for a reason. I need to support that ostrich farm in Biloxi or that pizza joint in Tupelo with all the fervor of every dream I’ve ever had of being a model, dancer or singer….even if my dreams were the dreams of a little girl. I need to understand who you are, where you want to go, who you want to be, & more importantly still…why you are who you are, want to get where you are going and be who you want to be. I need to feed those dreams like I feed you. I need to support you. I need to help you with the research to make your dreams a reality, to push you when you want to give up, to love you even when I’m mad at you.
In loving you, I need to love me. For in loving me, I am free to be everything you need.
No questions, no drama, no worries.
Nicolya’ Jones is an active duty Paralegal Specialist who has been in the Army for 6 years. She is the mother of three children. On 9/11/15 her son, Kenyon Givens Jr., was killed on Fort Riley by a friend in an apparent accidental shooting. She has been writing for over 20 years.